quiz lower case b
1. You see a group of boys putting hot coals on a turtle’s back, what do you do?
A) Cough derisively and walk away confident that you’d gotten your message across.
B) Cough sweetly, bat your eyelashes and actually get your message across.
C) Chuckle to yourself and say “boys will be boys” under your breath before walking away along the lane.
D) Tell your sons to leave the poor turtle alone and take their horses for a ride instead.
E) Weave a humorous tale that inspires the boys to stop hurting the turtle and become your lifelong friends.
F) Cry out in horror and take to bed for days wracked with inconsolable sadness.
G) Give an extemporaneous speech about morality and love that leaves the boys wondering exactly how much you love the turtles.
H) Quell the rage in your heart and bring the boys in for tea and a chat about privilege.
I ) Thank god these sociopaths are hurting the turtle and not you.
J) Nothing. You’re the one who gave them the coals in the first place.
2. You’ve been asked to speak at a public engagement, what is your reaction?
A) Pass. You’ve already made your point.
B) Check with your father before declining due to the impropriety of a woman speaking in public.
C) Pass but write an accidentally inflammatory article that infuriates the nice folks who asked you to speak.
D) Thank them kindly for the offer but decline. You have 17 children to care for, after all.
E) Enthusiastically accept and win over the crowds with your gift for metaphor.
F) Say yes!! Then no. Then yes!! Then play it by ear.
G) Spend weeks drafting the perfect speech then make one last minute change that will ruin your political ambitions forever.
H) Write a brilliant speech but never show it to anyone in case it disrupts your husbands political prospects.
I ) Is this a trick question?
J) No one had to ask. You were already speaking.
3. You have an evening to do with what you will, what is your will?
A) Read scripture and criticize your daughter’s handwriting.
B) Practice your handwriting.
C) Sip sweet tea and look out over the vast expanse of green lawn from your veranda.
D) Care for your 17 children.
E) Tell stories to those who have gathered around you long into the night and then maybe teach yourself Advanced Geometry.
F) Dance, flirt with your many suitors, and school the men on the politics of the day.
G) Write a love letter to your wife then plan an eight month trip to Europe.
H) Edit your husband’s latest speech and ensure that he doesn’t back down on one single, moral, issue.
I ) Is this a trick question?
J) Put hot coals on turtles.
4. Where do you stand on the Kansas-Nebraska Act?
A) I am the one true leader of the opposition to the Kansas-Nebraska Act. Obviously.
B) Whatever my father says.
C) The what? I haven’t picked up a newspaper in a while.
D) Hmm? Sounds nice dear.
E) A house divided against itself cannot stand.
F) Vehemently against it!! Oh my gosh, I can’t breathe for the hate of it!
G) So against it that I shall immediately write a stirring and inflammatory speech about it.
H) Quietly, forcefully against it.
I ) 1000% against it but still unable to vote on it.
J) For it! Feeling great about it!
5. Others might describe you as:
A) Handome.
B) Very handsome.
C) A homebody.
D) A loving partner.
E) An uneducated ape.
F) Someone who wears her emotions on her sleeve like a rolodex.
G) A man of highest merit uncrowned by highest honor.
H) A moral compass.
I ) Fucked.
J) An overstepping, immoral homunculus.
6. Which of these charges could be accurately leveled against you?
A) Arrogance.
B) Blindly following someone who’s praise you crave.
C) Neglecting duty for comfort.
D) Keeping a great man on the periphery of history.
E) Shabby appearance.
F) Hysterical and despondent in turns.
G) Impetuosity.
H) Getting too close to a man who is not your husband.
I ) None. You can’t level charges against property.
J) None. You are beyond reproach.
7. You see someone you consider to be marriage material, how do you react?
A) Run away. You’ve already lost three wives and you promised your daughter she could basically be your wife.
B) Form a secret tryst but cut it off when your father finds out.
C) Marry them and live happily ever after.
D) Marry them and give them 17 children.
E) Propose marriage, rescind your offer when you begin to fear that marriage will interfere with your political aspirations, then re-propose when you realize that you broke their heart.
F) Turn down dozens of other suitors until your one true love comes around.
G) Marry them, neglect them for your political career, realize their value, cherish them always.
H) Marry them, forgive them their faults, and serve as their moral compass for all of your days.
I ) Marry them and fight for their liberty even if you have to take it to The Supreme Court.
J) Marry them only if they’re related to an important figure in American history.
8. Why do you deserve to be President of the United States of America?
A) If you don’t know by now there’s no point in telling you.
B) My father is the one true President.
C) Well, I’m not sure I deserve it but I’d be happy to take it off your hands.
D) I do not have time to be President.
E) Why, that reminds me of a story…
F) I’ve always known I was destined to be first lady.
G) Ask Thurlow Weed. He’s been advocating on my behalf for 30 years now.
H) My husband is the best, moralest, kindest man who has ever walked the earth and it’s really a question of whether the country deserves him.
I ) I know more about the heart of this country than you could possibly imagine.
J) Don’t need it. The Supreme Court is the law of the land.
9. Please write down a list of things that you want very much to do but have not done because you are afraid to make the attempt and be found wanting.
A) Cough derisively and walk away confident that you’d gotten your message across.
B) Cough sweetly, bat your eyelashes and actually get your message across.
C) Chuckle to yourself and say “boys will be boys” under your breath before walking away along the lane.
D) Tell your sons to leave the poor turtle alone and take their horses for a ride instead.
E) Weave a humorous tale that inspires the boys to stop hurting the turtle and become your lifelong friends.
F) Cry out in horror and take to bed for days wracked with inconsolable sadness.
G) Give an extemporaneous speech about morality and love that leaves the boys wondering exactly how much you love the turtles.
H) Quell the rage in your heart and bring the boys in for tea and a chat about privilege.
I ) Thank god these sociopaths are hurting the turtle and not you.
J) Nothing. You’re the one who gave them the coals in the first place.
2. You’ve been asked to speak at a public engagement, what is your reaction?
A) Pass. You’ve already made your point.
B) Check with your father before declining due to the impropriety of a woman speaking in public.
C) Pass but write an accidentally inflammatory article that infuriates the nice folks who asked you to speak.
D) Thank them kindly for the offer but decline. You have 17 children to care for, after all.
E) Enthusiastically accept and win over the crowds with your gift for metaphor.
F) Say yes!! Then no. Then yes!! Then play it by ear.
G) Spend weeks drafting the perfect speech then make one last minute change that will ruin your political ambitions forever.
H) Write a brilliant speech but never show it to anyone in case it disrupts your husbands political prospects.
I ) Is this a trick question?
J) No one had to ask. You were already speaking.
3. You have an evening to do with what you will, what is your will?
A) Read scripture and criticize your daughter’s handwriting.
B) Practice your handwriting.
C) Sip sweet tea and look out over the vast expanse of green lawn from your veranda.
D) Care for your 17 children.
E) Tell stories to those who have gathered around you long into the night and then maybe teach yourself Advanced Geometry.
F) Dance, flirt with your many suitors, and school the men on the politics of the day.
G) Write a love letter to your wife then plan an eight month trip to Europe.
H) Edit your husband’s latest speech and ensure that he doesn’t back down on one single, moral, issue.
I ) Is this a trick question?
J) Put hot coals on turtles.
4. Where do you stand on the Kansas-Nebraska Act?
A) I am the one true leader of the opposition to the Kansas-Nebraska Act. Obviously.
B) Whatever my father says.
C) The what? I haven’t picked up a newspaper in a while.
D) Hmm? Sounds nice dear.
E) A house divided against itself cannot stand.
F) Vehemently against it!! Oh my gosh, I can’t breathe for the hate of it!
G) So against it that I shall immediately write a stirring and inflammatory speech about it.
H) Quietly, forcefully against it.
I ) 1000% against it but still unable to vote on it.
J) For it! Feeling great about it!
5. Others might describe you as:
A) Handome.
B) Very handsome.
C) A homebody.
D) A loving partner.
E) An uneducated ape.
F) Someone who wears her emotions on her sleeve like a rolodex.
G) A man of highest merit uncrowned by highest honor.
H) A moral compass.
I ) Fucked.
J) An overstepping, immoral homunculus.
6. Which of these charges could be accurately leveled against you?
A) Arrogance.
B) Blindly following someone who’s praise you crave.
C) Neglecting duty for comfort.
D) Keeping a great man on the periphery of history.
E) Shabby appearance.
F) Hysterical and despondent in turns.
G) Impetuosity.
H) Getting too close to a man who is not your husband.
I ) None. You can’t level charges against property.
J) None. You are beyond reproach.
7. You see someone you consider to be marriage material, how do you react?
A) Run away. You’ve already lost three wives and you promised your daughter she could basically be your wife.
B) Form a secret tryst but cut it off when your father finds out.
C) Marry them and live happily ever after.
D) Marry them and give them 17 children.
E) Propose marriage, rescind your offer when you begin to fear that marriage will interfere with your political aspirations, then re-propose when you realize that you broke their heart.
F) Turn down dozens of other suitors until your one true love comes around.
G) Marry them, neglect them for your political career, realize their value, cherish them always.
H) Marry them, forgive them their faults, and serve as their moral compass for all of your days.
I ) Marry them and fight for their liberty even if you have to take it to The Supreme Court.
J) Marry them only if they’re related to an important figure in American history.
8. Why do you deserve to be President of the United States of America?
A) If you don’t know by now there’s no point in telling you.
B) My father is the one true President.
C) Well, I’m not sure I deserve it but I’d be happy to take it off your hands.
D) I do not have time to be President.
E) Why, that reminds me of a story…
F) I’ve always known I was destined to be first lady.
G) Ask Thurlow Weed. He’s been advocating on my behalf for 30 years now.
H) My husband is the best, moralest, kindest man who has ever walked the earth and it’s really a question of whether the country deserves him.
I ) I know more about the heart of this country than you could possibly imagine.
J) Don’t need it. The Supreme Court is the law of the land.
9. Please write down a list of things that you want very much to do but have not done because you are afraid to make the attempt and be found wanting.
